Reasons

i gathered all my reasons and put them in a box, a long time ago, it was a beautiful box. i don't know why i did that, may be i wanted them to be protected, may be i was afraid that i would forget them someday, may be because that's what i do, i find the perfect wrapping for every lie, lost love, fading dream. or may be i just needed a reason to move on.

I can't seem to make you mine

In the silence of the garden

Moss arizing on the wind

And the beast is pondering love love love

'Till the rusty nail grow dim

I can't seem to make you mine

Through the long and lonely night

And I try so hard, darling

But the crowd pulled you away

Through the rhythm and the rain

And the ivy coiled around my hand

So I lingered with the people

In the silent August glade

But the rain has brought the night

And the night has brought the rain

I can't seem to make you mine

Through the long and lonely night

And I try so hard, darling

But the crowd pulled you away

Through the rhythm and the rain

And the ivy coiled around my hand

The Clientele, i can't seem to make you mine, from "The lake house" movie.

Back

She held her cup of coffee, before it touched her smile she looked at me with her radiant eyes... Full of joy, "For how long am I going to stay like this? Is it ever going to end?" I said to myself that afternoon. I'm trying hard to get over all this, but I guess it's not enough, may be it's just a matter of time, a year has passed, I know that, " time heals the wounds", I just need more time. But does she have to bear all that with me? She's the first person I go to when I'm down; she's the shoulder I cry on... My best friend. "She has problems too", I remember that night when I broke down, I called her and I started crying, 30 minutes non-stop, she didn't say a word, she was crying too, it was the only thing she could do then, and I felt closer to her more than ever. I have to start pretending again, I need to hide behind that wall; I've always been good at hiding, I prepared my self for a girls night out, just like the ones we used to have before it all started, I chose the perfect outfit, accessories, I used my concealer to hide the bags under my eyes. We met at our favorite café, I looked happier than ever, we laughed , giggled, I hid behind the fake smiles I worked on in front of the mirror before I went out. She took a sip of her coffee, put the cup back on the table, "I'm glad you're back", she said.

Broken

Don't ever think that you could break me, I'm the one that let you...

Y

Why can't i let my eyes meet yours as u speak? Why do i freeze and don't say a word when you're around? Why do i feel so cold when we shake hands? Why am i still convinced that you're broken and that i need to fix you? Why do i still have faith in you? why can't i just let you go?

Acceptance

I believe that everything happens for a reason. i never understand whatever comes my way unexpectedly, & for those with undesired consequences i become depressed just for the thought that in my search for answers, i don't find any. Lacking my reason, i end up refusing whatever happened, no matter how much time passes, i reject it, like a wound that i choose not to heal, only because i don't accept any cure other than what i searched for and haven't found. "It's not worth it", i tried so hard for the past few months not to hear those words , i don't care how many times i heard them from other people, as long as i don't say them to myself. To do that, i just stopped, i quit everything, i neglected my work, my family, my friends, i gave up to that empty space , that vacuum that kept pulling me towards it, & that was the first time for me to accept anything, as for this time, any reason wouldn't have been satisfying. I used to take time to realize and absorb what is going on around me , because i deserve to know, i owe it to other people, i used to stand in the middle of a crowded room , i look around me, everything goes mute, then i know.. & answer back with a smile .. i don't do that anymore. I became so isolated that i haven't even noticed a change until people told me that i'm not the same, that my eyes are sad. I stopped talking to myself like i used to, because in the middle of a conversation i might say what i don't want to hear, and then it becomes true, & i can't afford listening to these words, though they repeated themselves in my mind a million times. Yesterday, i woke up & looked in the mirror, still imprisoned by that empty space, losing interest in the small things that i always thought Gave my life a meaning & added a taste, i said it.. , i spoke the words, i heard them, repeating them..i cried, but my tears finally met my smile, for i didn't accept the words....for no reason.